Hazard in Hazard. Pt.1

Yesterday my wife and I had the (pleasure) of watching the Dukes of Hazard movie. It was GREAT!...sorry…REALLY GOOD!…..uhh……errr….OK!....(nope)....Survivable!.....(not quite there yet)……………….

Uhhhh…

Erm…

How about….
IT DIDN’T (QUITE) MAKE ME UPCHUCK MY BOYS ACROSS THE ROOM!

Yeah, that got the proper emphasis across.

I had been warned, but I still believed that there would be redeeming factors in the film. I was wrong.

I figure, how hard can it be? You have two cousins who drive an awesome car. They are both pretty smart and stick up for each other and their whole family. You give them girl cousin who has some feminine charms but is actually probably smarter then the boys. Add in the wise uncle who guides the flock and you have a team that can easily handle everything that the not smart enough bad guy and his bumbling crony of a sheriff throw at them. Give them a few loyal friends and you have movie gold.

The idiot that wrote this screen play has obviously never seen any episodes of the TV show and likely only has the drunken ravings of some movie exec. at a seedy little Hollywood soirée to base his knowledge on.

Bo and Luke Duke have strayed from the path of “good ol boys”. Instead of being smart young men trying to go straight and do right by their family, they have been turned into bumbling party boys who are still moon-shining and get sucked into helping their family because if they don’t then they are out of a job! Their chief concern is trying to get into the underwear of every woman they see, who cares about Uncle Jesse! Everything else is just in the way.

Now only one of them is a driver. I could be wrong about this but I always thought they both drove the car and that they were both good at it. Not only is Luke the only driver, he has a sexual obsession with the car. I don’t mean he really likes it, I mean he wants to take it behind the barn and give it a ‘lube job’!!! I feel sorry for the General’s tailpipe because it is going to be sore in the morning. Luckily they cut the worst of this aspect and I only got to see how bad it was by watching the deleted scenes. Ironically, as bad as it was, the scenes they cut would actually have made it worse. Somewhere there is an editor who actually took this pile of crap and made the final product smell not as bad as it could have. I hope he gets an Oscar for being able to turn elephant dung into cow patties. Either way, it still reeks.

Speaking of the car, they now treat it like trash! They seem to have no concern for the car at all they find any excuse possible to take off-roading, and within 5 minutes of the start of the film they have crashed it, settled a bet which involves beating each other with telephone books and then abandoned it to go 5 miles to a bar.

This is only the beginning. This movie was ok IF and ONLY IF the TV show had never existed. If that was the case I would have had a chuckle and moved on with my life. As it is, I plan to eviscerate this movie fully. I will rip apart the characters, the vehicles and the plot. I watched this movie with clenched teeth and made myself sit through it without yelling at the screen. Now I vent.

Next post, Daisy Duke. (sorry, I mean Booberlilla)